Remembering Grandpa...

Pulled from the archives: Originally posted May 2nd, 2009 just three days before Grandpa passed away although it was on my other blog. Forgive me if I'm a little emotional today and tomorrow (May 4th & 5th) .

(I've updated this with new updates on his condition added in purple)

My thoughts today are with my Grandpa Hill.

Family Reunion in Idaho June of 2002.

My Grandpa with all of his children that were still living. June 2002

L-R Grandpa, Aunt Kathy, My Dad, Uncle Randy, Aunt Rose, and in the back Uncle Don.



As much of the family that was there: June 2002


This was taken at my brother David's wedding June of 2005

He's in the hospital and my cousin Angie has this as her status. Saturday May 2nd, 2009

"Grandpa still critical.. He has a very low blood pressure. Last night when I was there it was around 66/36 and high toxicity level. His kidneys and liver are failing.They got the bleeding in his esophagus to stop. He got 10 units of blood yesterday. Please pray hard. Family: If you want to get a message to grandpa send it to me and I will print it and take it and read it to grandpa. All grandpa's kids are now here"

ADDED LATER: And here is an email

I just got this from my Aunt Rose:
"Dad was rushed to the hospital at 3am friday morning coughing up lots and lots of blood, he had spewed out half of his body's blood and the replaced it with 6 units of blood. When they found the problem and fixed it (a vein in his esophgus had ruptured. Dr. has told us it is related to his diabetes and damage that it has done to his liver. They had given him a 30 percent chance of surviving this episode. Late last night they informed us that his kidneys and liver are not working and have shut down, If they dont start to function soon the acids that accumulate when these things are not working will build up in is stomach and will reach a point where it is irreversible and nothing they can do to help him. We are now in a wait and see if they start working. So please pray for my dad that God does what is best for him. Love Rose "

Update from Angie's facebook 7:41pm May 2nd, 2009 "Well just got update and they are going to try and do a round of dialysis to see if they can get the toxicity level down on my grandpa. If it works they will line up a second round. If not, then grandpa will be on his way to the lord. Thank you everybody for your thoughts and prayers. They are still very much needed. Will keep you updated as I can on here."

Update from Angie's facebook about 9:50 am May 4th, 2009 " This mornings Grandpa's update is that his kidney's and liver still haven't kicked in. I don't know much more than that. They are limiting his visitors so that he can get some rest. My cousin Chris's wife is at the same hospital. Her appendix bursted and she had to have surgery. Looks like she is doing good. I will go see her later today. Will keep you updated when I can. "

Update from Angie's facebook 10:59 am May 3rd, 2009 " Ok, so far so good with grandpa. His body took to the dialysis good. He was able to maintain his blood pressure. His toxicity levels are down to almost a normal level. However, his liver and kidney's haven't kicked in yet. Still need to get his heart rate lower. His blood pressure is looking better now. Will keep you posted when I get back from the hospital later... Thanks for your thoughts and prayers everyone!

Latest Update from Angie on Facebook 11:09 pm May 4th, 2009 "Wish I could come to you with good news but none to tell of. Grandpa is going to start a 24 hours round of dialysis as a last ditch effort. If it don't work then I think it is safe to say I think they will take him off life support. I hit my moment to break tonight. Grandpa wasn't really there.

(Added after original post: ) Date: Mon, 4 May 2009 15:41:15 -0700
Dad (marty) is about the same at this point. They will start a second round of dialysis tonight sometime. his heart rate is down to 115 it was up as high as 155. his blood pressure is now up to 120/80. it was 64/40. his acid levels came down from the first round of dialysis, but are now rising again. He now has a normal temperature. His is very critical and chances for survival are low. We have a small hope that the dialysis will help his kidneys and liver start working again. When things change i will send out an update. Will all of you please spread the update to all whose e-mail i dont have. Maybe Dean you can post on family site for us. Please pray for him.
Love Rosie

So after reading this, and hearing updates occasionally from my mother, things aren't looking good and I feel like it's just a waiting game until he passes on. I'm praying that he isn't suffering very much and that as he passes it's not painful. But I stop to think about what a sweet reunion might take place if he does. You see my grandmother (his wife) has been dead for nearly 21 years. Even though my grandfather was remarried, he really loved my grandma A LOT. He was sealed to hear in the Salt Lake Temple and have their children sealed to them as well. But he basically stopped going to church, and was inactive even before my grandma died. But I'm hoping that through the Atonement all things might be made right... but I don't know, because I don't know how things like this work. What I do know, is that there is a God, our Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to be happy. I say Happy, but that doesn't mean that we won't face trials, and challenges. After all we do have our agency to chose, what we'll do, but if we can pray and be able to know the will of our Father, and do what he wants we can all find happiness. I don't want to sound grimm, but I decided to write my Grandpa a letter, long as it might be, but just in case he does die, I wanted to let him know the following:

Hey Grandpa, May 2, 2009

I’m so glad that I’ve had the chance to grow up most of my life and have you be a part of it. You always made my day brighter when I would see you. And ever since I’ve been married, the chances that I’ve gotten to see you are even more cherished. I remember the attempts at trying to take pictures and the kids wouldn’t cooperate, and they were struggling and screaming and trying to get “out of there”. But there you and Maria sat with large smiles on your faces, and looks in your eyes with nothing but love for us.

I haven’t had the opportunity to get to see you as often as I hoped, but at least you were there for the important times. At my reception when I was married, and all the goofy –ness that you always seem to carry with you everywhere. And I got to see
you last November when Victoria was married. The funny thing being that I
didn’t even recognize you, I thought you were your brother, because you
looked a lot skinnier than I remembered.

My sister's wedding November 2008, Ridgecrest, California.

My husband, Chris, was the one that had to point you out and say that you were my Grandpa. Duh, you were sitting with Maria, so you’d think that I’d have put one and one together and knew that. So I’m glad I have that fun memory. I also remember when my husband’s brother got married back in Sept 2001, and we got to see you then. You were missing a few of your front teeth, and I commented on it. And you said, that Maria socked you a good one and just knocked them right out. You always could tell a great story with lots of embellishments. I always enjoy getting hugs from you; it always helped me to feel loved. Thanks for everything you’ve always done for me.

Know that we are praying for you, and that your in God’s hands and we (my family) will go on and remember the great example you are. You have taught me through my father about working hard, and being a respectable person, and that there are times for play when work is done. You have a great capacity for love, and everyone enjoys being around you.

I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going so well for you and can only hope that you aren’t suffering a lot of pain. I just really want to let you know that I know that God lives, and loves all of us, and even you.

And in case things don’t miraculously go in a different direction, I’ll feel better knowing that I let you know how much I LOVE YOU, and how much you mean to me. My kids have all had the chance of meeting you, and that is awesome that they still have a great great grandpa alive that they were able to meet.

I’m praying for you, and know that you’re in God’s hands and whatever the outcome, know that I’ve always loved you and will talk about you to my kids all their lives so that they know what a great person you are. Sorry for the length, but I’m taking Angie up on her offer and don’t want to take the opportunity for granted.

I love you Grandpa!!! ------

Love always your granddaughter Wendy

My Reception June 1998.

Okay so this is a blog I wanted to start all about me, for me, and what makes my day, what drives me crazy, and the things that others do for me that make me feel glad to be ALIVE!!!
Thus the name " My Cliffs of Insanity" was chosen. Because it doesn't take much before I need a break, and if I don't get it...... I'm one step closer to jumping of that cliff. So in a way this is a place for me to "vent" and "rant" and "praise" and "Thank" when it's called for, so that I can keep my feet planted solidly where I'm at.

I'm not perfect by any means, I have a hard time doing all the things I'm supposed to. I'm nearing the ripe old age of (shhhhh 31) in just a few weeks and I'm thinking, what am I doing?? My house is constantly in shambles, I feel used and abused most days. I'm like a maid working for a not for profit organization experiencing the effects of a rough economy.

I'm not a fashion guru. I know, but it's sad too, when my favorite pair of jeans have a hole in the knee and just look completely stained ( with oil stains etc....) And the rest of my jeans ALL have holes in the knees as well. I don't spend a whole lot of time on my knees but apparently enough to wear them out.

I'm not a beauty queen. I wasn't one that you would have thought a HOT BABE in high school. ( At least I don't think I was) I do attempt to wear make up more frequently now, because I'm showing signs of wear and tear. And I feel "prettier" if I have the make up on, but all the time and effort to just forget to wash my face before I go to bed.... blah ---- most of the time I go without the make up though. That' s how I am most of the time and when my husband fell in love with me, I was a plain JANE!! So at least I don't have to try and impress anyone right now. Right??? He loves me and that's all that matters.

I was athletic at one point. Not so much anymore... . something I want to remedy in the near future. Good thing spring is upon us, and the warmer weather is here. I'm so out of shape now, especially having five kids and not taking anytime for myself to stay physically active. Shame on me.

I try to be a good friend. Heck that's one thing I try to EXCEL at . I think having friends are important. And I don't mean " My husband is my best friend and that 's all I need..." Because he's a man, he doesn't understand the same things that I feel. But you know who does??? Or who might??? My friends of the female kind. They don't judge you, (at least not in your face) they seem to be understanding, loving, and offer advice or suggestions of things to help correct a situation. Not everyone I meet comes across as a genuine person but once in a while I'll find someone like that. Those are the ones I stay connected with. So count yourself lucky if I still have found ways to connect with you. So that's just one thing I can't stand and that's fake people. Saying one thing in front of you.... but doing something completely different out of your sight. I get the vibes, then I wait, I watch, I listen, and then I make the final conclusion.... if all the above add up ... then chances are I don't want to really continue a friendship with you... it's more like an "acquaintanceship". I'll still say Hi, and have casual chit chat, but forget about the deep and satisfying kind of conversation.

I don't like to be mistreated, so I try not to mistreat others. If I do..... usually it's a lack of communication or understanding.

I know that I'm a daughter of God, and that all things I try to do, I hope allow me closer to reaching my end result. To return to live with him again. I know that things are hard, I know that trials are a part of life. But with Him all things are possible.