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Friday, April 24, 2009

Where the Heck did my life go???

I really enjoy when a day goes exactly how I have it planned. Know why?? Neither do I!! But it has something to do with low expectations and let come what may. I don't like to stress over the little things, there isn't any point in it.

I used to stress over the small things, and occasionally I still do, but I try not to let it bother me often. Being a mom of 5 kids, I'm kept rather busy, and a lot of times feel like I'm just treading in water rather than swimming towards the other side.

I was talking with my friend tonight and realized that I'm not the only one that has these feelings. I sit back somedays and ask myself, "Is this really my life??" -- where has all the time gone and what am I working towards. I do the same things over and over almost everyday and ... well frankly it starts to get to me. I need to regroup and rethink what's going on.

I've discovered that life isn't what happens, it's what you make happen. I can't just sit back and just let things go on around me, while I'm stuck in neutral and just kind of sitting in "idle". I need to be more proactive in what goes on around me and what I want to do. I need "ME" time, and I really need to have focused daily goals everyday.

It's not just enough to let life happen, but to be actively involved in my life. I don't want to wake up in another 30 years (when I'm 61) and wonder WHERE THE HECK DID MY LIFE GO???
So I'm going to try and enjoy my kids more, but hopefully find a way that I can do that while enforcing good habits in the way of cleanliness, and hygiene, and being polite, and etc...

I sure wish there was a simple parenting handbook that was called something like " Parenting for the unmotivated, and lazy and plain just boring people" Because sometimes that how I feel I come across, but really, I'm not that lazy -- it's all just sleep deprivation, and that makes me tired and when I'm tired do I feel like I want to do anything. HECK NO!! I'd rather rest and relax than make myself exert any energy that's barely left in my resevoir. Maybe that's just how life is when there are so many young kids just out trying to "ENJOY" themselves at the expense of one person. ME!! Mom!!!

Here's to being more proactive in my life !!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

In my arms....

I really enjoy laying with a good book and reading. What's even better?? When my two year old wants to come snuggle up in my arms and there is no one else around and no noise and he lays down and falls asleep and starts snoring. His little body is so constantly busy that I forget how precious this little guy really is.

And with the reality eating at me that he might possibly be my last child.... my heart is trying to soak up all the love and joy he brings to me. His silly little grin, he's very beginnings of trying to talk. He's also (when he's not throwing a fit) trying to please his mom. Oh, that's me!! Lucky me . I enjoy getting to spend time with this little guy, and as I feel with all my children. I love to see them happy, and learn and grow. I can only pray that my efforts, with the help of a loving Heavenly Father will be enough to create their solid foundation .

Saturday, April 11, 2009

What do you want?????

I seriously considered dropping of my now 2 year old at the nearest person to me, when all he did while I ran into the store to buy 2 dozen eggs for dying. It all started when I got him out of the car..... I unbuckled the little guy, and the first thing he did was WHINE OUT LOUD that he wanted something... but because of his lack of communicating verbally with any remote sound of a word... I had a hard time figuring out what he wanted. I realized that he wanted his Easter bucket with him in the store... apparently they are best friends now and I wasn't aware of this fact.

Then while we were in the store to prevent the 2 year old and the 4 year old from running all over the place I got a shopping cart and placed the 2 year old in the seat at the top and the 4 year old in the basket part. And the 2 year old placed his bucket in the basket part as well. All was fine for the rest of the 30 seconds before I got the eggs in the cart, and then he started WHINING out loud over and over!!! He wanted in the basket, then he wanted out, he wanted on the side than he wanted in the seat again, and this went on over and over. I'm finally at the checkout counter with just 2 dozen eggs and a calm 4 year old sitting nicely in the basket while I'm getting those "grinned" stares simultaneously with my 2 year old wailing and wailing and starting to throw himself backwards while I'm holding onto him in my arms ..... and I tell you I about lost it right there... I had to keep counting to 10 SILENTLY OUT LOUD IN MY HEAD in order to make it through that torturous little trip to the store.

But then I discovered why he was throwing a fit.... guess??? That's right he wanted to HOLD the EGGS. From the minute I put them into the cart until I drove all the way home ( a total of 5 minutes or less) he screamed, and then some after we came into the house. Poor little guy, he didn't understand those ones are "BREAKABLE" -- someday maybe, he'll catch on.

And I'm only writing this so that I have a record of it later... but also to have it be one of those FUNNY stories when he gets older. (Just remember, Ethan, I love you!)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Okay so this is a blog I wanted to start all about me, for me, and what makes my day, what drives me crazy, and the things that others do for me that make me feel glad to be ALIVE!!!
Thus the name " My Cliffs of Insanity" was chosen. Because it doesn't take much before I need a break, and if I don't get it...... I'm one step closer to jumping of that cliff. So in a way this is a place for me to "vent" and "rant" and "praise" and "Thank" when it's called for, so that I can keep my feet planted solidly where I'm at.

I'm not perfect by any means, I have a hard time doing all the things I'm supposed to. I'm nearing the ripe old age of (shhhhh 31) in just a few weeks and I'm thinking, what am I doing?? My house is constantly in shambles, I feel used and abused most days. I'm like a maid working for a not for profit organization experiencing the effects of a rough economy.

I'm not a fashion guru. I know, but it's sad too, when my favorite pair of jeans have a hole in the knee and just look completely stained ( with oil stains etc....) And the rest of my jeans ALL have holes in the knees as well. I don't spend a whole lot of time on my knees but apparently enough to wear them out.

I'm not a beauty queen. I wasn't one that you would have thought a HOT BABE in high school. ( At least I don't think I was) I do attempt to wear make up more frequently now, because I'm showing signs of wear and tear. And I feel "prettier" if I have the make up on, but all the time and effort to just forget to wash my face before I go to bed.... blah ---- most of the time I go without the make up though. That' s how I am most of the time and when my husband fell in love with me, I was a plain JANE!! So at least I don't have to try and impress anyone right now. Right??? He loves me and that's all that matters.

I was athletic at one point. Not so much anymore... . something I want to remedy in the near future. Good thing spring is upon us, and the warmer weather is here. I'm so out of shape now, especially having five kids and not taking anytime for myself to stay physically active. Shame on me.

I try to be a good friend. Heck that's one thing I try to EXCEL at . I think having friends are important. And I don't mean " My husband is my best friend and that 's all I need..." Because he's a man, he doesn't understand the same things that I feel. But you know who does??? Or who might??? My friends of the female kind. They don't judge you, (at least not in your face) they seem to be understanding, loving, and offer advice or suggestions of things to help correct a situation. Not everyone I meet comes across as a genuine person but once in a while I'll find someone like that. Those are the ones I stay connected with. So count yourself lucky if I still have found ways to connect with you. So that's just one thing I can't stand and that's fake people. Saying one thing in front of you.... but doing something completely different out of your sight. I get the vibes, then I wait, I watch, I listen, and then I make the final conclusion.... if all the above add up ... then chances are I don't want to really continue a friendship with you... it's more like an "acquaintanceship". I'll still say Hi, and have casual chit chat, but forget about the deep and satisfying kind of conversation.

I don't like to be mistreated, so I try not to mistreat others. If I do..... usually it's a lack of communication or understanding.

I know that I'm a daughter of God, and that all things I try to do, I hope allow me closer to reaching my end result. To return to live with him again. I know that things are hard, I know that trials are a part of life. But with Him all things are possible.