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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

If I only.....

Yes, so I hate those days, when just the slightest thing goes wrong and it just ricochets through the entire day. Case in point, yesterday was Sunday which meant we needed to get ready for church. I usually try to get the kids bathed Saturday night, but it doesn't always happen. So in my lousy attempt at trying to get baths to all of the kids, my husband started getting a little "upset". And by the time he was able to get his shower and get dressed, he was going to be late for the first meeting. "Oops" He refuses to go when it gets like that. So then out came the daggers, towards me. "I love you"?

I tried to avoid getting upset as well, but one little comment after another, I just couldn't take it any longer. So I being the totally imperfect human that I am, started lashing back, but not quite so severe, (at least not out loud). Finally I was showered and we were a half hour late for the first meeting which lasts an hour. Better late than never, is usually my motto, but never seems to be his -- as far as church goes. Granted not every week is like this, but yesterday it was. So I ended up at church the whole time solo with the kids. We came home, and the comments started in again, OUCH!

Too much for my emotional self to take, and I broke down into tears and bawled for a long time, but I couldn't seem to make up my mind where in the heck I wanted to have my CRY!! I started in the bedroom laying face down into the bed, and cried a lot, who wouldn't? I felt hurt and betrayed (well not really betrayed, but it sounds good), and couldn't understand howcome the other (him) couldn't be compassionate with me right now. I've just gone through a month long duration of one disaster after another, and on top of that I was fighting a two year old for my half of the bed at night. I was sleep deprived, and often tried not to wake my husband so he wouldn't be tired the next day. BUT NOOOO!! He doesn't quite understand my point of view.

But back to when I came home, he was standing over the sink and was working on the dishes. Yeah, the dishes!! Those ones that didn't get done the night Kaylee broke her arm and the ones that piled up since then for a little over a week. Sure, I washed loads of dishes through the week as I needed them, but never seemed to have either enough motivation to wash ALL of those darn things, or I never had enough time, and sometimes it was both. But, the hot head temper coming from party number 2 seemed to dissipate after the NASTY things were finished.

Gosh, I don't know why he waits for them to get that bad, before he's bothered by it. (Major sarcasm).

Being the mom of 5 busy bodied kids, really keeps me dizzy, tired, and often unorganized. I try my best at trying to mother my children, while trying to be a good wife, and housekeeper. All of which, I seem to be doing terrible in lately. I have figured out a few things in the last few years that really makes me know why it's tough.

If I only had to cook the food, and take care of the dishes -- it WOULD be a piece of CAKE.
If I only had to gather the laundry and wash, dry, fold and put it away -- it WOULD be PIECE of Cake.
If I only had to make sure the living room was spotless -- you got it.. it would be EASY!!
If I only had to tend to my children -- you got it --- I would go NUTS, but it would be mostly doable.
And if I didn't have any of the kids around, and didn't have to pick up after them, or enforce them to do thier chores, or teach them responsibility, I wouldn't have a MESS ANYWHERE. But at the same time, I wouldn't be a mother either. I wouldn't feel the love from my kids, when I play with them. Or feel love from them when they make me a new picture. Or experience the pain when they get hurt, just to feel excitement, when they are healed. I wouldn't get the giggles while we were saying family prayers, because of the way someone was acting. I wouldn't get to see half of the movies we watch, because most of them are because of the kids.

So to any mom, who feels so overwhelmed like I do, MOST OF THE TIME, just remember the choice you made, and why you made it. I love my kids, although, ME time is always a good thing, and I think lately I haven't been able to get ANY of that. And granted most DH's don't understand all that goes on with being the MOM, but if they had to "BE THE MOM" I'm almost positive it wouldn't last very long.

And to end my bitterness towards my own DH, I had the lesson tonight on Forgiveness and how when someone does or says something that hurts us, we just need to "Let it Go". (which is in the June 2009 issue - I would have linked it, but it isn't available yet)